go clubbing

i am not 19 and turning 20 in october and i have nerer once gone clubbing, i havent event steped into a club so my goal for the next month or two is to go out and get that done. i want to go clubbing have a blast and just have the experiance. i dont care where i go of who i go with as long as i make a point to actully do it and dance till my legs cant go any more then dance som more. i always here my friends talking about how fun it is and how offten they do it and they allways ask me to come but for some reson i just chicken out every time so next time they ask next time i will make sure to go make sure to change my schedule around so that we will be able to go and then i will make sure to have fun and not care about anything but dancing my heart out. and who knows i may cross of a few of my other items from my buketlest. so here is to clubbing lets hope it happens and hope its not a total bust.

Bucket list

1. ride an elephant
2. find the one
3. go to africa
4. travle
5. work at an elephant sanctuary
6.  make a differents in somone life
7. fly in an airplane
8. find a best friend for life
9. see the sevean wonders of the world
10. have relations with a foran man
11. raise a child
12. own all the diseny movies i can
13. get in to a fight
14. rock climb
15. remeber a line(funny line) from a movie
16. date a black man (see if roomers are true)
17. get drunk
18. go clubbing
19. rescue an animal
20. jumgy jump
21.  caving
22. go on a tresute hunt
23. own a motercycle
24. drive a big rig
25. join mile high
26. ski
27. be on a tv show
28. modle
29. whin a pagent
30. laugh so hard i have stumik pains for a day
31. get  a degree
32. have land
33. try a food i would never think of trying
34. act in a play
35.  make a porn viedo
36. act in any movie
37. meet marky mark
38. find the perfict dress
39. have a closet just for my soes
40. learn to pole dace
41. use the pole dancing lessons
42. brake a bone
43. lean a really cool magic trick
44. be rich enough to have a made
45. have my own family
46. crash a wedding
47. do it in a public place a run like hell if i get cought
48. get out of a ticket with my charm
49. give out my number to random hot guys when im single
50. make an epic pramk and preform it
51. kiss daniel hopfinger/ childhood crush

stalking

today in class we were told to stalk people told to discribe one person from all the trats we came up with so here gos. when you first look at the women i discribed the first thing you notice would be her determend walk with a little bounce in her step . then after you watch her for a moment you see the confedent expression living her face when she rounds a corner and sees somone she knows the confedent expression dissapeared and jelousey,irritation, and anger takes its place. her walk starts to crumble the once cofedent step that she used to have the walk that said im all that and a bag of chips disolved, its now replaced with a walk that says i just new shoes and there killing my feet and i have no idea how to walk in them. she meetes the man she soposably knows and then turns to the wonam next to him. she has a look on her face of pure jellouse but there is something more there. a small amount of a look that says oh great i have to act like i like you event though i want to rip your face off right now. also you can see a hint of something eles something that mite say, "want to be my friend? No, then stop f-ing staring."

today in class we were told to stalk people told to discribe one person from all the trats we came up with so here gos. the woman i came up with was a women when you first look at her you notice her determend walk with a little bounce in her step . then after you watch her for a moment you see the confedent expression living her face when she rounds a corner and sees somone she knows the confedence is replaced with jelousey,irritation, and anger. her walk starts to crumble the once cofedent step that she used to have the walk that said im all that and a bag of chips is gone, its now replaced with a walk that says i just new shoes and there killing my feet and i have no idea how to walk in them. she meetes the man she soposably knows and then turns to the wonam next to him. she has a look on her face of pure jellouse but there is something more there. a small amount of a look that says oh great i have to act like i like you event though i want to rip your face off right now. also there is a hint of something eles something that mite say, "want to be my friend, No, then stop f-ing staring."

the place i want to be

the place i would love to be morthant anything would be at the elephant sanctuarry in africa that started it all the sanctuaary that made me love elehants. i have never been there but i imagan it would be wonder ful warm enough for me to just wear short shorts and tank tops all day, warm enough that there wouldnt be one seconed of the day where i got a cold chill. i assume it would also be dry witch is not my ideal cliite i hate when  my skin feeels all cracly from it being so dry but, there would be dosens of elephants sourounnding me dosens of one of the worlds largest anilam standing right next to me close enough to tougch and then i woud i would be introdused to the elephant that i would be in my life for the next few years till it was healthy enough to be re admitted into the wild. i would be sone the single elephant that will make or break me in that moment the animal will dicide if im worthy to step in as a care taking if i have what it takes to protect it no matter what and in that momnet i will be ready to show his why i would.

final blog...For class

when i first was given the assignment to start a blog and then blog for 32 day straight i was sceptical. i  have never had a blog before an had no idea where to start. the first week was a trial week and then after that we stared an assignment where we needed to blog for 232 days straight and that was, interesting i didn't get the 32 day in i blog as much as i could and i wish i could have gotten the time in for all the blogs maybe ill try it again in the summer but, event though i didn't get every blog done i still got to do a lot and it was great. i had a lot of fun designing my blog and it was a great place to just vent. i have a lot of stress that gos on in my every day life so, i like to vent but, i don't exactly have a best friend and my boyfriend and parents are getting a little annoyed by me always venting to them so the blog was a nice place to just talk. my blog was a safe place that i could rant about the things that bother me and not worry about what i say because there is no one that i know following my blog. also, it was nice to just get some of the things out of my head. i see myself using the blog event after this class because i think it helped me in more ways then one it helped me to be able to come up with better sentences faster and helped me to just write and not think about the way things are spelled. that was one thing that i liked and didn't like. i liked that fact that when i would compose a post i could just write to my hearts content and not stop. i liked that i could go though a sentence and not see a little read line under every word making me want to stop and fix it, i believe that that helped me a lot to keep my flow in my writing. i know that when i am in word just writing for fun or and assignment that i get cough up on fixing my mistakes and then lose that sentence that i was wanting to put down and that messes with the flow of the writing. on my blog i didn't have to worry about that till late, but that's also what i didn't like. when i was finished with my post and i had went for the spell check there were places that just didn't make sense, the sentence would sound that great and with my horrible gramer problems i couldn't really fix it they way it needed so, i think i would have liked it more if i could have really been able to fix the gramer like it helps you on word but, that's more my fault then the blogs. another thing i didn't like was the comment spot. i was ok with it till a moment that i didn't know took form one of my blogs and commented on it. she read my blog and made assumptions about my like and my relationships and then was kinda rood and butted in where i didn't wont any one to but in. i was happy with the way my blog went and i am glad that i got the chance to make a blog. i believe that now i can have a better writing experience with a blog then just traditional writing papers. i have always hated the formality of a paper because my ideas don't really set well with a structured paper but a blog helps me to have a place where i can just write what ever  feel like and not worry that my creativity is getting lost with in the format of the formal paper. i think the blog assiment was a great assgiment for our class and i would be glad to do it again in hopes that the next time i can write every day and see what it would be like. i believe that out of this assignment i have gotten a lot of great ways to express my thoughts in a way that i cant really do with structured assignments and i also fell that it has helped me to gain fluency and be more consistent in my thoughts. i am very grad that i was able to do this assment and i hope to keep blogging till long after the class is over.

much needed time

as you may know me and my boyfriend are both in college and both have jobs. we both work at the same place but i work more, due to the fact that he has his team and practices that interferer with our hours. so like you may think between school and work and home work and practice and the hour between us we haven't gotten to see much of each other. this may be due to more than just the factor i have stated but, that's still to be determined. so because of the factors i have mentioned and other factors such as when i try to set up times there all ways seems to be something in the way, let it be him or me, or I'm not willing to all ways be the one to have to trade shifts, we haven't had much time which can mess with a relationship. so the last time we hung out, witch was lunch between classes, it was a little rocky. when i got my schedule this last week a knew that i needed to be the one that made the time because for what ever reason he wasn't going to be the one to do it. so i saw he had Friday of so i traded my shifts around so that  we were both off a prayed that he wouldnt say he had plans or had a meet or that it would be to slick out. thankfully the fates promoted us to hang out! so we planed to go to Fridays which was interesting, but like i thought the conversation was just not like it used to be? i had a nice time, but that's all not like we used to, not the great times we used to have. this makes me angry and sad one because I'm not sure what has gone wrong and also because i don't know how to fix it and also because it seems to be like I'm either the only one feeling this way or the only one that cares. i know you must be thinking oh this is horrible its because hes a crappy boyfriend of because he doesn't care or hes a jerk or something along thoughts lines but, he is a good guy hes sweet and funny and cute and he is a gentlemen and hes not up tight but not a loser. hes like me in a lot of ways but not like me in a lot of ways he is the kinda boy that you can just be comfortable with no matter what. and i care about him dearly and he makes me happy when I'm with him, but lately it has been different we have gone on dates and kinda sat in a rut and when i try to do new things its nice but i can still feel the rut. for example, around v day we went out and i wanted to do something different something that wasn't dinner and a movie like normal. we had thrown around ideas and i thought i made it clear that i wanted him to come up with something other then me coming up with it again but, i guess he didn't get the memo and he came thinking i had the idea so we used are fall back and went to dinner and a movie. now i tryed to change it up a little by us going to a new place down town witch was nice. i had a good time we went ou,t the place was a little crowded but it was a nice change we goofed up on the saving are receipt for the movie but we saw warm body's and had a lot of fun. during dinner we laughed and told story's about are week and such, had a nice time like we used to and during the movie we cuddled and it was great. after the date i was very happy and though hey that rut is gone, we just need more time to hang out but, the next day came and are text were back to almost the same chatting and such but it seemed like we are just doing it because we feel we had to, the kinda text where sometimes u feel relived that you have the break of work so u don't have to try to think of small conversation starters to keep the talking going.then the next date came. the lunch date. Zach has a class that got canceled and he wondered if i wanted to get some lunch with him witch i was soooo happy to see i wasn't going to have to be the only one trying to fine time this week; which isn't every week like u may think by the way i have been dogging on him, so we meet and i drive to a Chinese place he said he loves, he directed me and everything. we sat and ate and just like are texts it was small talk conversations that would last till the next bite. like he dose most the time he was on his phone talking to friends. we chatted about who he was talking to and the funny prank him and his friends were playing then ate and finally when we were done we got in the car and headed back to school. on the way back though, he was playing on his phone and missed telling me when to tune. now I'm a loud person, all the time, so to me yelling is pretty much my talking but to others they see it as im just yelling at them, including my boyfriend, i also like to joke around by being mean, you would think a boyfriend of a year and a half would know that but no, so i "yelled" and said something along the lines of, thank you,you made me miss the turn. my boyfriend then got all offended and turned to the window and put his head in his phone like a child, which he dose a lot, this made me kinda mad but its hard for me to be actually mad at him so i was more irritated. it was probably because i have been really tired of the way we have been kinda "off" lately and how him always being on his phone doesn't help, but whatever it was,yes i was a little annoyed. so the way back i really dint say much and he went on like nothing happened. then he stared to tell me, you need to get in this lane like i hadn't know where i was going event though i was the one that had to figure out how to get back and I'm the one how knows directions a lot better then he dose but,he started telling me what lane to get in and then told me i needed to slow down because there are normally cops around those parts. this was kinda a slap in the face because we were in my town around my school witch i drive to every day and well, I'm not stupid i know how to drive and i know where the police force in more prevalent. so, i said something along the lines of, i know how to drive, then he said, oh well you yelled at me before about me missing the turn and got all mad at me, then i said i didn't yell and he went on to say that i did and that he knew i was mad this hole time because he knows me and knows when I'm mad and i was giving a mad look wile driving and so on. i just shut up because i knew i would blow up if i didn't because frankly he pissed me off. one because he stated that he knew me and the fact that he thought i was really angry and that i "yelled" at him proved that he didn't and i was already on edge about everything else so i decided to just stay quiet and drive. we got to his school and while sitting in the parking lot got into a small argument over the issue. this time he stated that he knew me again and that he didn't appreciate me yelling and i told him that i didn't and he gave me the definition of yelling, as in elevating your voice, which also made irritated me but when all was said and done i ended it with saying that i hadn't yelled and that he would know if i really had, implying that  wasn't event close to how i yell, then i finished with saying i prob needed to go so i wasn't late for work. he agreed and said I'll see u at work tomorrow i love you and then tryed to kiss me. this is the way things have been going. we chat,as in we don't have real conversations just filler conversations,we have small arguments and then act like we are ok and nothing happened all the wile I'm getting sadder and sadder. its stating to become more and more like my last relationship and i don't want that again. i know that I'm to balm as well that i should talk to him more about this but the few times i do it seems like noting happens or we don't agree on something and then it strats an argument again and then its pointless because we are right back to were we stared, and also he seems to be perfectly fine or pretend like he is, and with that I'm not sure if it is just him pretending or if he dose think things are fine and its just me or if he just doesn't care? this all leads me right back to where i began, saying that we need to find more time. i think what it comes down to is, i love him,which technically means i feel for him so much that i have no other word for it and i feel what i have been thought is love for him, i know that he is some one i could see a future with and i know that the relationship he have is one i want to work fo,r one i just don't want to end but i know that if i feel this way I'm not giving him all of me and he is a good guy that deserves more. so what it comes down to is this, we need to make more time together so that one, we can talk about things and see if it is something we are both feeling and if so, if we are willing to both work at it, and then we need time to test the water seeing if it can work if we can get back to the fun we had. i see the fun still, it shines though on every date but its just not there enough and i know that we both need to work at it and talk to each other about things so that that fun can come back full time so, time is much needed in every aspect, because i am willing to take the time to make sure i have the rest of my life with him and I'm sure he is to.if that makes any scene at all.so, here is to making time.

slickery

i have been driving for a total of four years not counting my permit and in all of thoughts years i have never been as nervous about driving as i was tonight. let me give u a little back story. in my years of driving i have had to drive one, to and from school,to and from work, to places of interest, to and from reed springs to Springfield;multiple times and most at night on not much sleep,i have driven to and from KC, in all its a lot of driving and a lot of places where i could have had horrible accidents and what not and gotten tickets and such but, in all of the four years i have had one finder bender and one ticket, both i have just gotten recently. when looking at this most would think wow good driving record. i feel the same I'm a good driver despite what the stupid cop how said i didn't stop at a stop sing i have been stopping at for 5 years or the cop that didn't event really ask me what happened in the accident when i was the one driving, but lately i have felt like a bad driver. i mean i know I'm not the best driver in the world but i think I'm pretty good and lately with the ticks i have been getting I'm not feeling so hot. so, now i feel more nervous when i drive i do the same things i have always done but now I'm just nervous all the time and let others drive when they offer. tonight me and my boyfriend went out on a date, one that was much needed and that u can hear about in another blog i have yet to post, but he offered to drive in a manner that really meant i don't want to drive but its the nice thing to offer wile we are standing in front of you mother. so i drove it had been snowing all day, just little flurry's and nothing major but just enough to keep the roads wet. by the time we left my house i had gotten cold enough and had been snowing long enough to make the roads just a bit of a concern. so i sat out in my car wondering if i should drive with or without four wheel drive i decided agents it and said if it seemed slick i would pull over and turn my four wheel on but, the roads were great not slippery at all, that is till be got to the road just before Fridays that's a windy mess. as soon a we pulled on to the street i knew something was going to happen so i sat up straighter and made sure to concentrate more. sure enough i felt the car slide just a little i informed my boyfriend of it and as soon as i did the car slid to the side i turned the wheel in the other direction and it slide to that side fast then i taped the breaks and straighted the wheel. and bam. I was golden we got straighted out and i drove on and parked. in those few seconds when we were sliding we could have slide right through the grassy nole into the highway traffic if i hadn't had my head on my shoulders and stayed calm. after i parked i got out smiled and said I'm one hell of a driver. now some may be thinking oh u never turn agents the pull oh u never break,but i this situation if i would have done that if i would have freaked and let the wheel go we would have slid right into the highway traffic and the worst could have happened so i say to you officers that took one look at me and decided i was a stupid girl that doesn't know how to drive safe and all ways wants to drive fast and doesn't care about anyones safety i say to you......bull. i say u get put into the situation i was tonight and see if all your talk and training about the way to handle your self when sliding keeps you alive or if you get killed because what payed off for me tonight was my ability to be a great driver when it really comes down to it when not only my life but another life is hanging in the balance of me improvising and feeling what i need to do to gain control over the car again, I'm a beast.