much needed time

as you may know me and my boyfriend are both in college and both have jobs. we both work at the same place but i work more, due to the fact that he has his team and practices that interferer with our hours. so like you may think between school and work and home work and practice and the hour between us we haven't gotten to see much of each other. this may be due to more than just the factor i have stated but, that's still to be determined. so because of the factors i have mentioned and other factors such as when i try to set up times there all ways seems to be something in the way, let it be him or me, or I'm not willing to all ways be the one to have to trade shifts, we haven't had much time which can mess with a relationship. so the last time we hung out, witch was lunch between classes, it was a little rocky. when i got my schedule this last week a knew that i needed to be the one that made the time because for what ever reason he wasn't going to be the one to do it. so i saw he had Friday of so i traded my shifts around so that  we were both off a prayed that he wouldnt say he had plans or had a meet or that it would be to slick out. thankfully the fates promoted us to hang out! so we planed to go to Fridays which was interesting, but like i thought the conversation was just not like it used to be? i had a nice time, but that's all not like we used to, not the great times we used to have. this makes me angry and sad one because I'm not sure what has gone wrong and also because i don't know how to fix it and also because it seems to be like I'm either the only one feeling this way or the only one that cares. i know you must be thinking oh this is horrible its because hes a crappy boyfriend of because he doesn't care or hes a jerk or something along thoughts lines but, he is a good guy hes sweet and funny and cute and he is a gentlemen and hes not up tight but not a loser. hes like me in a lot of ways but not like me in a lot of ways he is the kinda boy that you can just be comfortable with no matter what. and i care about him dearly and he makes me happy when I'm with him, but lately it has been different we have gone on dates and kinda sat in a rut and when i try to do new things its nice but i can still feel the rut. for example, around v day we went out and i wanted to do something different something that wasn't dinner and a movie like normal. we had thrown around ideas and i thought i made it clear that i wanted him to come up with something other then me coming up with it again but, i guess he didn't get the memo and he came thinking i had the idea so we used are fall back and went to dinner and a movie. now i tryed to change it up a little by us going to a new place down town witch was nice. i had a good time we went ou,t the place was a little crowded but it was a nice change we goofed up on the saving are receipt for the movie but we saw warm body's and had a lot of fun. during dinner we laughed and told story's about are week and such, had a nice time like we used to and during the movie we cuddled and it was great. after the date i was very happy and though hey that rut is gone, we just need more time to hang out but, the next day came and are text were back to almost the same chatting and such but it seemed like we are just doing it because we feel we had to, the kinda text where sometimes u feel relived that you have the break of work so u don't have to try to think of small conversation starters to keep the talking going.then the next date came. the lunch date. Zach has a class that got canceled and he wondered if i wanted to get some lunch with him witch i was soooo happy to see i wasn't going to have to be the only one trying to fine time this week; which isn't every week like u may think by the way i have been dogging on him, so we meet and i drive to a Chinese place he said he loves, he directed me and everything. we sat and ate and just like are texts it was small talk conversations that would last till the next bite. like he dose most the time he was on his phone talking to friends. we chatted about who he was talking to and the funny prank him and his friends were playing then ate and finally when we were done we got in the car and headed back to school. on the way back though, he was playing on his phone and missed telling me when to tune. now I'm a loud person, all the time, so to me yelling is pretty much my talking but to others they see it as im just yelling at them, including my boyfriend, i also like to joke around by being mean, you would think a boyfriend of a year and a half would know that but no, so i "yelled" and said something along the lines of, thank you,you made me miss the turn. my boyfriend then got all offended and turned to the window and put his head in his phone like a child, which he dose a lot, this made me kinda mad but its hard for me to be actually mad at him so i was more irritated. it was probably because i have been really tired of the way we have been kinda "off" lately and how him always being on his phone doesn't help, but whatever it was,yes i was a little annoyed. so the way back i really dint say much and he went on like nothing happened. then he stared to tell me, you need to get in this lane like i hadn't know where i was going event though i was the one that had to figure out how to get back and I'm the one how knows directions a lot better then he dose but,he started telling me what lane to get in and then told me i needed to slow down because there are normally cops around those parts. this was kinda a slap in the face because we were in my town around my school witch i drive to every day and well, I'm not stupid i know how to drive and i know where the police force in more prevalent. so, i said something along the lines of, i know how to drive, then he said, oh well you yelled at me before about me missing the turn and got all mad at me, then i said i didn't yell and he went on to say that i did and that he knew i was mad this hole time because he knows me and knows when I'm mad and i was giving a mad look wile driving and so on. i just shut up because i knew i would blow up if i didn't because frankly he pissed me off. one because he stated that he knew me and the fact that he thought i was really angry and that i "yelled" at him proved that he didn't and i was already on edge about everything else so i decided to just stay quiet and drive. we got to his school and while sitting in the parking lot got into a small argument over the issue. this time he stated that he knew me again and that he didn't appreciate me yelling and i told him that i didn't and he gave me the definition of yelling, as in elevating your voice, which also made irritated me but when all was said and done i ended it with saying that i hadn't yelled and that he would know if i really had, implying that  wasn't event close to how i yell, then i finished with saying i prob needed to go so i wasn't late for work. he agreed and said I'll see u at work tomorrow i love you and then tryed to kiss me. this is the way things have been going. we chat,as in we don't have real conversations just filler conversations,we have small arguments and then act like we are ok and nothing happened all the wile I'm getting sadder and sadder. its stating to become more and more like my last relationship and i don't want that again. i know that I'm to balm as well that i should talk to him more about this but the few times i do it seems like noting happens or we don't agree on something and then it strats an argument again and then its pointless because we are right back to were we stared, and also he seems to be perfectly fine or pretend like he is, and with that I'm not sure if it is just him pretending or if he dose think things are fine and its just me or if he just doesn't care? this all leads me right back to where i began, saying that we need to find more time. i think what it comes down to is, i love him,which technically means i feel for him so much that i have no other word for it and i feel what i have been thought is love for him, i know that he is some one i could see a future with and i know that the relationship he have is one i want to work fo,r one i just don't want to end but i know that if i feel this way I'm not giving him all of me and he is a good guy that deserves more. so what it comes down to is this, we need to make more time together so that one, we can talk about things and see if it is something we are both feeling and if so, if we are willing to both work at it, and then we need time to test the water seeing if it can work if we can get back to the fun we had. i see the fun still, it shines though on every date but its just not there enough and i know that we both need to work at it and talk to each other about things so that that fun can come back full time so, time is much needed in every aspect, because i am willing to take the time to make sure i have the rest of my life with him and I'm sure he is to.if that makes any scene at all.so, here is to making time.